Jianrui
jianrui location: Singapore

I'm one who seeks his own purpose in life. Life is a journey to be walked, and I'm choosing how it should be done. I'd like to make friends and also to be a good person. I aim to live each day as my first, and last. I love to learn, it is an inevitable passion in me. Nothing but the best.

Wants

//Stable mental state
//Freedom to a certain extend
//1.00
//Ability to sort out thoughts
//de, zhi, ti, qun, mei
//common sense =P
//You



links
Shi-wei:: //zhiGuang:: //tingwei:: //Xuanyi:: //Stanley:: //Davin:: //Yu guang:: //Che Hao:: //Sua Yu:: //Sua Yu:: //mence::

//Kristin:: //aiwee:: //Kat:: //Joy:: //Conky:: //Nikki:: //Joanna:: //Diana:: //Nicole::



tag


credits

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My Voice


Wednesday, February 21, 2007

what
a series of ramifications.

if you despise the weak, and look lowly on the broken, steer your eyes away. If you parallel with strength and bring forth power, then you are not welcomed. if you want to draw humour from this realm and laugh off at the wounds of other, feel free to rapture the wounds. tear them apart and rub salt into it if you want to.

what happens when a train loses its steam and cant run? does it stop? it does not.

the train rushed through the mountains and the valleys
screamed past the roads and all alleys
raced like a bullet
shone like a mullet

people think the train has unlimited steam
people think it is always filled to the brim
no it is not
no it never was

it's speed is a mistake
but an illusion.
its power is a fake
but a failure.

what is real
is it appears to run
it appears to fly.





but then again, another topic seems to swirl...

there is a pack of wolves
all equally powerful
all equally aggressive.

but there is one, who cant kill and cant hunt
it cant fight and cant battle
but it is the core of the pack

it does not rush forward for a hunt.
it silently waits at the back
whispering sweet words into the others

the rest listen
the rest hunt
they all eat

now that is a lead





and then...

there was once a man who created a monster
he tamed the creature and lorded over it
fellow men were jealous and envious

the creator was strong and powerful but fell to his own weakness.
he created again
and again.

he lorded over a speicies of creatures
an evolutionary batch of them
he lost control
he found nothing




with that...

the creator gained pride in his creation.
the people around wanted them

he got what they want
but he also got the guts to show it

"it is never a problem with pride. but it becomes a problem when it harms others"










smiles.
i wonder
what is it
who are you


i forgot your name
i lost the touch of you



it does not pain me to smile.
a heart of stone cant be hurt
neither can it cry
neither can it smile


a mask can smile
a mask cant keep the silence
and it cant maintain the atmosphere.

a facade cant break
a facade cant fall
a facade cant lie

a stone cant bleed
a stone cant weep
a stone cant sleep




what.


jianrui fired at 8:54 PM
0 was burnt
Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Condolenses
I'm so sorry my brother for your loss.
I can understand the ache in your heart.
When you cant see his face,
and remembers the last thing you told him.
Maybe you regret not cherishing time
or hate yourself for what you did.

Or wonder what he was thinking? about you,
your life or something else.
I feel bad
The world is unfair!
And thats how we see it.

If you need help, all your brothers out there will answer your call,
no one would ignore you
i promise


jianrui fired at 5:40 PM
0 was burnt
Monday, December 19, 2005


When in a tight situation,
Smile.

When making a difficult decision,
Follow your heart


jianrui fired at 7:33 PM
0 was burnt
Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Their Culture, Our Culture
Walk into the heart of the dragon and what is bestowed upon you would be shocking. Forgive a stranger for exclaiming and ignore the ignorant for inquring. They have entered a land rich in culture. No, not the reknowned culture the world knows for the array of happenings into the centuries. Neither is it the elegance of the culture of how their people work with mother nature, be it wisely or otherwise. Wake up! You have entered the lair of the most powerful creature, the lair of the long feared garguantuan.
Who would know that you must give food so much to those whom you treat that they can barely finish half? Who understands that you are not to seat at the seat facing the door, or to sit first, or to seat away from the door? Who again knows that it is only right to spend much and eat little? And these are only the eating...Once again, who dare say they know the reason to having multiple rooms in restaurants and feeble tables outside? Why so are the tables so big such that a shadow is cast on its underside and anything beneath is hidden from view? And how many chinese are aware that "red-packets" are often the key to success?
The pathetic amount of people who can take their stress. The enormous amount of work they take, the burden all of them carry. The working fight with their lives, for their lives; the learning are wrestling for that seat in their dream university. Little are their match when it comes to endurance, little win them in taking suffering and emerging but also little are as willing to go to extreme standards to win. They and they only understand the true meaning of victory, or the bent truth. This is the world. Face it or escape. The dragon will come anytime, overwhelming the earth. A lack of preparation would be foolish, very foolish.


jianrui fired at 10:02 PM
0 was burnt
Monday, November 28, 2005

Gathering
23 years ago, my mom graduaded from her senior high and lost touch with most of her classmates. However, a fews days back, she managed to contact quite a number of them and arranged for a meeting. My mom travelled over 3000 miles to see each other, the friends who came together and shared past memories shared past relationships and continued the friendship..

23 years and they have not forgotten each other
23 years and they are willing to go to great extends to see each other
1 was a minister in china, he took a day off to chat.. another was a professor, she also took a day off her 12hr-work a day schedule to host the meeting.. Another drove over 100km to reach there only having to travel back in a few hours for his daughter who was sick..
i wonder, 23 years from now, how many of us would organise such things, how many of us would remember each other. We are friends now but 23 years from now, how many would recognise each other as we bump into each other in orchard, in da-shi-zi, in wall street?!
imagine catching up with a group of friends, 23 years old friendship. What a heavenly gift. We should learn to stay with our friends. Just remember, 23 years from now


jianrui fired at 8:52 PM
0 was burnt


Falling down
A week ago, PartC06 went out for an ice-skating. Yes, it was fun and the part enjoy ourselves tremendously. But what amazed me most was not the skill of those graceful, neither was it of the hockey players, darting around at absolute ease. It was a middle aged man. Not of the best build and defitnately not looking like a skater. Upon entering, he fell. And after standing up, he fell again. I've never seen him move more than a metre without falling or standing over 30 sec without landing on his bum. However, he refused to give up. For half an hour, he fell and stood up, fell and stood up. That was hardly any improvement in his skating but his will not to give up shadowed over the masses in the rink. How many in this world dare boast of a will that he is undaunted by the giggles of girls who look at him like a fool, the face showed by those of professional standard that he was a failure. However, he only exited after needing a rest for his body, not his mind


jianrui fired at 8:33 PM
0 was burnt
Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Free
Deep in the woods,
down in the forest where no one can see..
It lay silent,
away from the urban
away from its past. "I'm not going back to the city,
where i was tortured,
where i was lost.

They kept me captive,
they kept me locked.

There was not a chance
until the day of escape.

To get what i wanted,
i waited, and waited.

Till i waited no more,
i made myself a chance
i worked towards the chance
and fought towards a chance.

I pondered and pondered.
What it is like without a cage,
what it is like back to where i should be

I tried and tried,
and tried and tried
I got free.

With the fighting,
with the effort.

With the blood
and with the tears

With my life
for my life..

I fought,
and i am what i am,

Free
at last.


jianrui fired at 11:41 AM
0 was burnt
Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Flight
It sat perched on a dry branch,
looking into a deepness filled with misty clouds.
Slowly, the eagle started to recall

it remembered that time

it was its first time being able to fly. Mother had been spending tremendous amount of time and energy of his little achievement. She knew with this skill, he could soar the skies, the skies only they can soar up high. He came across his first taste of absolute freedom, it was sweet like the fruit of sin.

With this freedom, eagle knew he wanted more. But mother was prepared. She kept him in her giant wings. Giving him shade and warmth, not wanting him to explore the dangerous skies she so wanted him to soar. At least not yet.

However, he did not care, he wanted the clear blue. The view of the greenery beneath him, the taste of the flesh of beast ripped apart. He could not be enclosed in those wings of his mother, so that very night, he flew and allowed the darkness to concume himself. A silohutte of a beast could be faintly seen across the horizon and slowly disappeared from sight.

The eagle looked down into the realm below him. He so wanted to escape and obtain freedom has caused him to be trapped. He gained freedom mentally but it was bitter. He lost his mother and lost himself. He suffered without her wings and there was no greenery and no beast. Only the torture and himself. He was lost. a moment he lost touch with himself and not attempting to gain it back caused a lifetime of sufferrings. He finally knew, what he wants, is not what he needs.


jianrui fired at 6:29 PM
0 was burnt
Wednesday, July 27, 2005


power
control it or let it control
you.


jianrui fired at 8:11 PM
0 was burnt
Sunday, July 17, 2005

Take a step back: Please
There is something in this world
something that goes on

This something
is

What we dare not phantom
Why was it even created
Why must it be with us
In ourselves it lies
silent yet deadly

We know not of when it strikes
we know not of what shape it takes
and we know not of why it attacks

All we know is that it is there
and it will appear

But we can take it this way that when it strikes
we are able to supress it.
We are there to control what it is
and we are there to ensure that it is
not in its lethal form

Anger is a letter off danger.


jianrui fired at 4:56 PM
0 was burnt
Saturday, June 18, 2005

11slc
There was a time
When seniors said that slc won't wake it
but we did
but we did

There was a time
When troubles seemed so hard for us to handle
but we did
but we did

We build a convention
You and me
reaching out together
for regional unity!

This is my OT,
this are my facs,
this is my handbook,
this are my tags,
this is my notepad,
this are my friends.

We are slc
slc OT.

We the members of slc
pledge ourselves as one united ot.
regardless of school, gender or committee
to build a convention, you and me
for regional unity
so as to achieve security, human rights and progress for our convention.
We are slc
we are slc
we will strive together for regional unity.



-------------------
11slc started 6 months ago when the ot met for meeting 1 and work started. There were planning by prog and concept but the movement was slow. time dragged and it was just 2 months before slc. ot woke up and the planning was activated. seniors came in and gave us that wake up call. the ot was finally rushing forward. then it was just 2 weeks before slc. everyday, we go back to school and rush out everything. binding, printing, buying everything. vetting writeups also became a habitual thing for our seniors. thanks to them, concept was so well done. everyone was piaing, esp concept and the ot was really bonded. with having to eat lunch and dinner together, non-hwa chong ppl also came to noe of good food arnd bukit timah. haha. in these 2 wks, we achieved so much and then, slc was just 2 days away. then the australians touched down and slc started...
we brought them arnd for tours and soon after, we were even staying in the boarding school with many other foreign participants. it was so much fun... we went out to the bird park, then there was the famous orchard-and i got lost trying to find cathay from heren...sad. nvm, i least i dun think i'll get lost now. then there was also sim lim and so many other fun places and joyful times spent with the FPs. so the days passed and the registration for all the indian, australian, philippines, china and hong kong delegates were done.

1st day...
woke up at 5 to prepare for the registration. woke up all the foreign participants and headed to concourse to set up the logistics and the registration tables. with that, the first lp came into sight. first the indemity form, then the tshirt size and next the registration and collectiong of a bottle of water and what concept was rushing through for 2 weeks. so they went to the audi for X-istence briefing. brought the participants into buses and went off to sembawang to have X-istence wif them (X-istence is a game arnd sembawang where participants must move around to complete tasks so as to increase their political, economical etc levels) got lost for 5mins in sembawang till a grp came into sight and joined in the fun and hlp in facilitating. Did lots of grp hopping and saw many diff things happening. finally, they returned for water bombing session and we all got wet...and guess wad, ot was bombarded and we were soaked to the bones(unless u can go deeper). so much fun... did a feedback session with HATC and then went back to boarding school to take a break before bringing the FPs out for city tour at suntec. shopped shopped shopped. and we went home(boarding school). Went for pre-event briefing and slept. not without some noise making sessions and security guard warning times. best day ever in slc history

3 cheers for HATC for their wonderful planning of X-istence.
2nd day...
same thing, woke up the participants before they went to hav thier breakfast and bring them to auditorium. then they went to classrooms and had national assembly, followed by bloc assembly with breaks and lunch and then it was dismissal. the assemblies contained the sweat and tears of the concept and it was so well done... indeed a great job. ot then went to boarding school after fac debrief and such. along the day, quite some stuff happened. there is this stamford University camp and the room clash so no choice, we move cos they booked clock before us. luckly we had other rooms to use so nth much was disrupted. participants loved the assemblies man, so well done. happy bdae darly.

3rd day...
wake up, breakfast, fac briefing etc... then national assembly, bloc and the long awaited GENERAL ASSEMBLY! Woots! but i had to be in teachers sharing session where i really learnt a lot on education systems arnd the "world" was superb. heard the GA was grand and concept was marvellous. there was dsmissal and we went bck to boarding school to bring out the fps while the others had debrief and other stuff... so off we went to night safari. didnt noe it housed so many animals. so took the tram and saw animals. and nicolas was sleeping smthing like thru the whole thing. and the night show was good. night animals are cool and so diff from their daylight counterparts. went bck to boarding sch again...tired.

4th day...
last day arrived. so sad. but still did my best. BA,GA. wow cheers man. so we had some problems about the cultural dances with mr tajwant but it was still ironed out with everyone happy and the participants went to prepare for Grand Finale. Srry aboout the lack in time. And before u noe it, Grand Finale started. Seemed like the last thing's gonna happen in my life at tt time. saw the various awsome items (rmb jerry hong) and everyone was totally wild. shi wei and stanley also came bck with 2sgt. Wow, all the way to the 2 of u! then we prepared for the item while kristin and darly did mc and darly, wad a wild monkey! damn power man. nxt thing happening, ot item. was crying then cldnt even concentrate on the dance then ot stopped cos no one cld continue. pratically everyone was in tears except for some(shi wei immune due to last yr and acc to him, was not in the event|stanley who did his crying and always so tough and like shi wei, claimed that he wasn't there when event was carried out|keymaster had some aura). Can't believe i cried too. so we went for debrief where seniors gave us presents and the facs and participants really showed their appreciation. went bck to boarding sch and had no mood to do any thing else. was toking for quite some time. end of slc...
beginning of another chapter in our life...

post slc moments...
sent off many FPs and went out wif others. so much fun so much joy. all these i'll nver forget. no way. then we wanted anter nite in boarding sch so miss chong gave us free! wow shi wei power. stan and choon yen came bck at night and by then, we were prepared to celebrate sua yu's bdae with a bag, and 11 chcolates. then ate kristin's jelly beans and played thru the night. went into senrs room to talk where i fell asleep. anyway whole ot slept there so nvm lar. then the next morning, fnd out that they had our pics taken with choon yen's stuffed duck. had so much fun in slc, will not forget it...

all the memories will stay forever.
all the time are engraved.
for them to disappear; never.

25 people
1ot
1slc
our slc

that was the time of our lives and now that its over.
i can't find myself.
in this vaccum without a bottom
i feel empty

have nothing now.
so numb to everything.
our slc...



jianrui fired at 10:45 PM
0 was burnt
Monday, May 02, 2005

300%
I'm trying to do as much as possible.
You see me here, you see me there.
For I see trouble if I don't maintain.
I can't afford myself to become like a mare.

The only way out now seems right.
To put in more than I can.
Only way is to go up to a tremendous height.
I must become a man.
A man of steel--hard yet mallable
Not to be a slave
Yet to be saved

It all fits in if I do it right.
See?
If only I put in

300% of my life
300% of my time
300% of my energy
300% of my passion
300% of my soul
into this game of life

-simple on the hectic life-


jianrui fired at 5:41 PM
0 was burnt
Saturday, April 23, 2005

To save a pal
A pal was out of track.
The friend was moving far.
Away from the civil manner of protocols.
He is giving everything the hack
and the don't care.

His path altered.
His mind unwary.
He needs to be informed.
He needs to be saved.

ALl this time he does not know,
that there are friends to help him.
People to consult when something goes wrong.

But thank havens!
He realised--hopefully.
That sometime things don't work that way
for no one benefits but himself.

And thus glad are hs friends. He has passed winter unknowingly.


jianrui fired at 10:21 AM
0 was burnt
Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Stretched
So happy, so glad
but down inside, so tired, stressed.
Trying to please everyone and thing,
and in the end, did none.
Is everything all just a waste?
Stuck in a land of nowhere.
Cannot find a place to land.
Too much things for him to do,
At the limits.
Verge of snapping, tip of breaking.
All the heaps piled on him.
He fights to stand up,
tries to win over.
Cause he needs all the strength he can have.
He will stand up and fight back,
Lift up the load and
Refrain from snapping.
So what if he is stretched?
He just have to adjust,
think well,
and live his life.


jianrui fired at 9:35 PM
0 was burnt
Monday, March 28, 2005

Warm up the winter
I feel the cold wind of the season,
Blowing away my life and reason.
My skin exposed to the torments of the warth.
I know to be strong. I have experiened.
But this month can light up.
It can shine in warmth.
The sun, your forgiveness shines a smooth on the fields.

The vermilion shades of the sapphire sea.
It opens my heart to joy, to glee.
Its the key.
But, I wake up and realise the sun is still beneath the clouds.
Only a few rays of light seeping through.
And I cannot grab the mystical.

Show me how to open up the darkness.
I do not know how.
And why was there the shades.
I want to recover the light.
I need the warmth in this cold winte'.
Spring is around.


jianrui fired at 8:50 PM
0 was burnt
Thursday, March 24, 2005

Mental load
The insane pressure and force you all give me
No way I can get loose.
Merciless like a bloody killer.
Wham, banm, slam, ham!
No escape.

So much given to me.
treating me like a moose.
I see my face growing paler.
But then enriched with the wonders of life.

Carbon into diamond.
Man into something more.
The load is onto me to bear.
But I will take it on.
No cake.

This mental load is with me now.
Increasing with time.
I will hold it tight and hold it strong.
Not going to run away.

This challenge.
I will accept.
Will not reject.
Just watch.


jianrui fired at 7:35 PM
0 was burnt
Sunday, March 20, 2005

For the better
Things change and time dont
So he has to adapt.
He needs to change save his personality.
But change for the better.

To improve he must.
Face the world and not behind a mask.
Use himself or risk the rust.
And make sure life becomes just
nice.

He has viewed the bads and goods.
Now he needs to enjoy both.
He must get into the mood.
He needs to be better.

Limits are off.
He'll do all.
He'll win over.
He be better.



jianrui fired at 10:14 PM
0 was burnt
Friday, March 11, 2005

Wonder
Its just so immpossible,
so amazing, so wonderful.
Experiences gained in a day.
Can be worth more than those earned in a month.

There's so much wonder put in my life.
I can feel it surging through my veins.
Like bees in a hive.
Like frogs under rains.

I'm so thankful, glad.
Everythings so good.
Learning, gaining, experiencing, pushing, all in a go.
There's no way to drop the mood.

Life's such an amazing wonder.
Like a display of fireworks,
so enthralling it just makes me ponder. Is everything just murks?

No way.


jianrui fired at 9:22 PM
0 was burnt
Monday, February 21, 2005

Fool!
Fool!

How could you, so lame.
Thinking you were smart.
And believed life's your game.
Doing the things with just your heart.

Change.

At least it happened.
You found out and adapted.
You did not choose to salcken.
You tried your method.

But is it feasable?
Would you become a fool again?
Would you succeed?


jianrui fired at 5:48 PM
0 was burnt
Monday, February 14, 2005

Beauty
There is the rustling autumn leaves
The golden sunset and picture it leaves
And the nature and what she gives
And every moment of life without rift.

I've seen horses galloping on fields
And eagles soaring over hills
Also the giraffes waltzing on their heels
And the zebras enjoying their meals.

But not once I know of such wonder.
So mysterious it makes me ponder.
But the longer it is, makes me fonder.
Of such beaty of heart.

The smoothness of her skin.
The little curve of her smile.
The gracious of her movement.
The splendiferous of her own.


jianrui fired at 8:35 PM
0 was burnt
Sunday, February 13, 2005

Disbelieve
Sometimes I wonder,
what is real, what isn't.
Are my ponders real?
I havn't
any idea.

I wish all's happening's real now.
I don't want to dream.
But if its a dream.
Let it stay on.
Don't be gone.

I cannot believe it.
So special, so unique.
Its almost immpossible.
but its here, right now.
There's no such thing as to be down.

I'm in totally disbelieve.
But I want to believe.


jianrui fired at 4:49 PM
0 was burnt
Thursday, February 10, 2005

Two Positive, One Negative
Love,
He has for the girl.
Vanquished,
the sole him within.
Like a thrower to his discus hurl.

Rise,
he tried all and more.
Adds,
so much, too much.
The effect thus negative.

And too much he did, the mistakes of the rights.


jianrui fired at 9:23 PM
0 was burnt
Friday, February 04, 2005

The Puzzle
He found his limbs,
buried in the dark hours.
O' the fitting so well.
Like the waters found in hell.

But the lossening is repeating,
Under is misty mist.
The danger of falling,
Scarded of collapsing.

To fix, there is no other than age.
Like the greyness of his hair.
Only when he sees,
then he finds the answer he must heed.

But the passing waters is raw,
Its not as crystal.
But he must fix the puzzle,
He must bear the pain when he holds the gun by the muzzle.



jianrui fired at 9:12 PM
0 was burnt
Wednesday, January 26, 2005

confusion
No way will this change me.
But it is happening nonetheless.
Let the fight end,the war, the guns, the bombs.
To only be in hasty rush, mass hush.
Racing out with rifles and slanted helmets.

They are in chaos,
So disturbed it be, so unorganised, so confused.

Then I be in so much.
All this confusion.
Disarrayed.
"Help me out!"

Shall I forsake all but one, two, three?
Or take them, with all my might?
The confusion.
You, him, it, them?


jianrui fired at 8:51 PM
2 was burnt
Sunday, January 23, 2005

choices
Like a sword it cuts, the right from wrong.
Then they come forward.
One is an angel, so is the other.
But one will disappear, one have to die.
Under white light, one will vanish, but stay in mind.

It is at the crossroads of life where we suffer.
So many choices, so many mistakes.
There is dilemma and temptation for both, or none.
But we can only have one.

But then, tackle them!
Fight them and choose wise.
Only will the right advisors aid.
Let only the true comments rise.
For the wrong are disguised to help.
Trust no one but yourself, listen to all though.

The choices are to be attacked.
They are not to be left to rust.
They are quick and deadly.
We must make them, or they will break us.

Only can one exist.


jianrui fired at 4:30 PM
1 was burnt
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